The quickest way to happiness is changing the words you use.
This is hard to imagine at first, but I’ve found it to be true. Out of the mouth comes the overflow of the heart, revealing what you truly believe. I think most can grasp that concept. If someone is consistently speaking hateful words you can deduce they are hurting and fearful inside. Here’s a secret. We can reverse engineer that same process. Reverse engineering the perfect life works by using the words first and letting your heart catch up.
The words we say are the easiest to dismiss as powerful since they are so easy to produce. It’s easy to say the words, “I love you” or say the words “I hate you”. The affect they have on the inside is profoundly different though. What are the words you use without thinking? Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements talks about being impeccable with your words is the most important task. When we fill our conversation to ourself and others with lots of grace and understanding and love our life suddenly is full of grace and understanding and love. When we fill our conversation to ourself with judgment and ridicule and punishment our life becomes a self made hell.
I do real estate mortgages for work. Mortgages now a days are very difficult since there is a lot of moving parts and regulation. Recently a purchase loan was made very late from other people’s mistakes. The monetary penalty of being late was taken on by me though, not the consumers that caused the delay. At that point I could have used a number of words to talk to myself and others. My words determine my experience in the moment. “This is not my fault. This was their mistake. They should have paid the penalty, not me. This/they/it is ridiculous. I am so frustrated/angry/depressed/stressed!” These words bring me a bad experience. I am committed to love my life and love others the best I can. From that commitment to myself I was able to use different words. “I can learn from this experience to set better expectations with my clients. The buyers are not the experts, I am. I am becoming a better lender every day from these perfect lessons. I am so thankful that this extra expense doesn’t hinder my way of life. I have an abundance. I am going to do what it takes to make this tricky deal a good experience for my employees and clients.” Even when I write those words I feel my mood shift to a much lighter state from the previous judgmental and negative state. It feels so much better. And since both sides can be equally as true, why not choose the one that feels the best?
Experiment with this. Look for the authentic ways to talk about your life in a positive way and watch your experience of your life lighten and become instantly more enjoyable. The more you enjoy your life and yourself the more enjoyable you will be to others. The more enjoyable you are to others, the more favor you will have in your world. The more favor you have, the easier you will get all you want. It starts with your words though. Easy.