The “right” choice in fear is the “wrong” choice


Any choice, even if its the “right” one, if based in fear, I say is the “wrong” choice.
Let’s say you are positive and really do know the “right” choice to make. If that decision is motivated by any sort of fear, the way that you interact with the world and everyone in it while you are in that fearful and scarce place will just produce the very thing you are trying to get away from! Acting out of fear, results in ruining the good and right thing we were trying set out to do.
Let’s take a high school relationship example. I remember a time when I still wanted to be with “the girl” and she no longer wanted to be with me. I responded to this supposed rejection with a fear induced appearance of love. It looked like doing nice things for her and promising a different future in hopes of changing her feelings of no longer wanting that future with me. My supposed love, was really just acts of control because I feared losing her.
The fear based attempt to force love will only produce more resistance from the other person. In my story, it might look like a girl filing a restraining order! This concept might be harder to identify in everyday life scenarios.
Maybe these will be more familiar:
  • Stay in abusive or draining relationships solely because we believe we can’t do better and would hate to be alone.
  • Continue to do what you have always done, even though you just barely tolerate what you do. The fear of facing the unknown and going for what you really want is far more painful then the life you tolerate.
  • Begrudgingly  staying in a role that limits who you want to be, because of your fear of rejection or disappointing a loved one. (This is common with parents, spouses or anyone who has known your past, and for the sake of keeping their own role in tact, they try to keep you where you have been.)

As humans we have two primary decision making filters. One is primary of the other. We make decisions to:

  1. Move away from what we don’t want (fear, scarcity)
  2. Move toward what we do want (abundance).

Most people tend to do make most decisions based on the first. Again, the problem of this fearful way of keeping your life together, is that you end up becoming a person that ends up messing up even good decisions!

There is a better way to live. Put your energy into what you do want, in your goals, in your dreams. Keep your focus there and watch how your life and opportunity opens up for you. I have a simple way to keep your focus on what you want, instead of what you don’t want. Before acting, carefully consider your response to both of these two questions.

  1. What would I do right now if I wasn’t afraid?
  2. Is this action moving towards my goals?

If the answer is moving towards  your goal, do it!

This of course presupposes you have clear goals. You do have clear goals right? Right!??

Jevon Perra

Since 1995 Jevon Perra has been helping individuals and organizations get results as a human behavior teacher, speaker, pastor and performance coach. Jevon is a professional at getting individuals and organizations to the results they want. He has extensive experience in leadership development, sales coaching and personal coaching. Jevon has worked with businesses from start-ups to established corporations. Education and Background • Center for Advanced Coaching: Advanced Coaching Master Certification • Fierce Conversations Trainer Certification • Alpha Assessment Certification • Art of Negotiation Certification • Negotiation Lab Certification • CROI Coaching Academy Coach Certification • Minus Zero Fierce Coaching Certification • 16 years of speaking, teaching and coaching • Top Producing Salesman in Real Estate and B2B Sales • CA Broker’s License • Missouri Southern State University • Calvary Chapel School of Ministry

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